Horoscopes

CAPRICORN Representation:Responsible,disciplined, self-control, good managers Reality : Conservative, Annoying, Boring. Please get out of the society. *HOROSCOPE *: The number of friends you’ll make this week will be multiplied by ten. Ten times zero is still zero.

AQUARIUS Representation: Progressive, original, independent, humanitarian Reality : ‘Tries’ hard to stand out. HOROSCOPE : You shall meet a professor and tell him an idea you think is innovative. Only to realise, it’s an idea he is given every year and it’s rejected by him every year. [Not so special, after all.]

PISCES Representation :Compassionate, artistic, gentle, musical Reality : You’re a sissy and a wimp. *HOROSCOPE *: For someone so cre- ative and enthusiastic, life is being unfair to you. Shades still won’t take you in. Department of Arts and Deco might, but then please. Grow some standards. [ Just a joke. Department of Arts and Deco is LIT.]

ARIES Representation: Courageous, determined, confident, enthusiastic Reality : You piss off everyone you meet. Stop trying to be such a prick. HOROSCOPE : Remember the time you left the toilet unflushed without caring for the next person? You probably don’t but Karma does. You’ll be registered for Mess 2. Also, God save your mid-sems.

TAURUS Representation: Reliable, patient, responsible, stable *Reality *: You are represented by a bull. But you’re a ‘cow’-ard. [PUN ALERT] HOROSCOPE : The stars suggest an uncomfortable experience with food. (Sad.) Better go easy with Yummpy’s this week. We heard about an increase in crunchy insects as an interesting side dish. Or probably it’s just that the soda dispenser isn’t working. [surprise surprise].

GEMINI Representation: Gentle, curious, adapt- able, ability to learn quickly. Reality : Rahul Gandhi is a Gemini. Just saying [ LOL ]. You guys are more two-faced than a coin. HOROSCOPE: Your indecisiveness will take a toll on you. You’ll have to choose between fest organization and your mid- sems. In the end, you’ll do what you do best. [ Taking LITE.]

CANCER Representation: Tenacious, imaginative, loyal, sympathetic Reality : Imagine how messed up you must be when the deadliest disease in the world is named after you. HOROSCOPE : Try meme-making. At the end of this month, that’s what your life will be. A huge meme.

LEO Representation: Creative, passionate, generous, warm-hearted, cheerful, funny. Reality : You consider yourself a born leader. Your arrogance often causes an up’roar’ [ pun intended] among your colleagues. HOROSCOPE: Thou shall organise an event on campus. It shall be cancelled because of a certain complaint to a certain someone.

VIRGO Representation: Loyal, analytical, hard- working, practical Reality : A humanoid robot if the representation is to be believed. HOROSCOPE: With all that GHOTliness within you, we sincerely hope to see you with at least two friends this ATMOS, BITS Hyderabad’s Techno-Management fest which is to be held from October 27th- 29th. ( Not advertising.)

LIBRA Representation: Diplomatic, gracious, fair-minded, social. Reality : You guys are perfectly balanced. You’re the most average person ever. Is this mean? Definitely. [Pun intended] HOROSCOPE : Your future will be the epitome of mediocrity. There’s nothing interesting to speak about or worth men- tioning. Just like you.

SCORPIO Representation: Resourceful, stubborn, friendly *Reality *: Scorpions are poisonous. Coincidence. Probably. HOROSCOPE: Do not bunk classes this week. Saturn is in the twelfth house. Expect the unexpected. [Quizzes in lectures, you get the idea.]

SAGITTARIUS Representation: Generous, idealistic, great sense of humor Reality : You guys think you’re funny. Sagittarius sounds like a dinosaur. Dinosaurs are extinct, just like your ability to make good jokes. HOROSCOPE : You’ll finally have good times. Your CG will get better. Your jokes will be appreciated. Just in case you were wondering, I was joking.