A Layman’s Guide to the General Elections

By Rishit Shah (2023)

With BITS Hyderabad gearing up for the General Elections 2025, it may seem like April Fools’ Day has been extended to a fortnight of Grade A drama. The last festival of the academic year brings in store extravagant promises and meticulous planning, with the political homework done so well that Pearl looks like an assignment done at the last minute. 

The candidates may have touted their intentions to run for a post months ago – and changed their minds more times than a Flip-Flop in the DD compre, but by this point, half the campus knows their open secret – which was carefully soft launched via Instagram stories, executed with higher precision than a newly formed college couple.

WhatsApp groups will be made – XYZ for ABC, and you will be added, along with the same number of people in a Mumbai local train at Dadar station at 8:30 in the morning, (or the morning crowd at Ameerpet, for an example closer to campus).

Tomfoolery ensues, forcing the group admins to step in and change the settings to only let the admins speak. After all, there cannot be heckling if only the campaigners are allowed to speak. Hallmarks of a true democratic system. 

Look out for the ninja-like precision of the campaigners, for they will move around in packs and rope you into an election pitch, while all you wanted was to refill your bottle at the water cooler. Hostel corridors become hunting grounds, the floors become flyer-fields. Doors will be knocked (down), sleep will be put on the backseat, and you will be serenaded to the sweet promises of every nominee. 

Candidate’s roommate reports that they were talking while sleeping, having a nightmare about losing to NOTA. A bedsheet was seen drying in the balcony the very same morning.

“The prospective TechSecs are hoping that they pass the Senate screening in the first go”, reported an anonymous well-wisher, counting on seeing a Technical Secretary soapbox fight atleast once in their college life.

Bonus points for spotting the “culture” in your hostels reach a mysterious annual crescendo, with movie screenings being held in common rooms, and workshops which no one asked for being conducted. Discussions on basic stuff like intime and daypass restrictions are ignored as conveniently as a show-cause notice put on ShoutBox.

Even our nominees from 2015 would be glad to know that their promises are being repeated, albeit with a new and improved layer of AI varnish, and that Ram Bhavan washrooms will still be as broken as ever. Some of the leaked points we found are:

• Pearl 2026 preparations to start on May 1, 2025
  
• Cultural Secretaries promise to complete their full tenure to avoid fulfilling a hat-trick
  
• Monthly cultural nights to be finally held for realsies to improve campus culture
  
• A unified platform for fests to be made in order to streamline the process for the students and visitors: make the misery centralized
  
• Artists for the proshows and comedy nights to be announced 100 days before the fest, to ensure maximum publicity for the fests: we found that suspense isn’t the best strategy
  
• SUC will put its foot down and ensure that Pearl is the largest fest on campus, not to be one-upped by anyone E-Lse
  
• Sports workshops to be held, to ensure maximum participation from the GB
  
• SAC to be demolished and remade, with rooms for every single student body on campus. The chess room fixtures will be made out of concrete to ensure their longevity
  
• We will make sure that Impartus does not go down when more than 200 people try to log on to it: this will match ambition and delusion in equal parts
  
• Inventory lists to be published as per constitution: even if it means admitting that 1 (one) spoon costs 3000 rupees
  
• Regionals to be held for Pearl: panelists will include Kunal Kamra and Samay Raina for maximum publicity
  
• Shangri-La, Rixa and Renaissance to be held in the odd semester. No, just wait, we will try to atleast hold Shangri-La. (does 24 batch know what Shangri-La is?)

“He changed his t-shirt at least 30 times for the reel, turning a merch flex showcase into the closest thing to being stuck outside a trial room at Zudio.” said the campaigner roped into the circus due to their video editing skills.

“XYZ told me to vote for the candidate I feel is best, but casually added that he’s the only Northie candidate standing for the post – toh tumhe pata hai ki kya karna chahiye”

Soapboxes: A spectacle

All the candidates for a post gather in a large room and are questioned by each other, JC, and other members of GB. It is more common to spot a well-made roti in the messes than it is to spot a well-answered question. Your free ticket also includes a package to see the screening of the manifestos, arguably more entertaining than most events held in the Auditorium (shoutout to CC).

Soapboxes make or break a campaign, it is where the opinions are forged—not just by what the candidates say, but by how confidently they say it, and how many times their supporters can interrupt before the mic gives up in protest.

Steps on how to vote:

1. Notice the mothertongue of the candidate –  the achievements and credibility fade away in the larger picture of regional pride.

2. Take soapboxes lite – you don’t need to know what your future representatives speak for and against.

3. Go through the 4 pages of the surface level manifestos and wonder how the statements never seem to change a lot, but do not question them.

4. Avoid questioning them on how and why many real issues are never addressed by anyone – campus culture, gate rules or student life.
   
5. Accept your destiny and cast your vote – it’s a time-honoured tradition to expect nothing and still be disappointed