Pessimistic Humility

Think about the last time you achieved something meaningful. Probably something competitive where you had to work hard. Or maybe even something small but personal to you. Once you finally crossed that finish line. Once you could finally remove the hypotheticals and the ‘if’ clauses. Once you finally let that small thought in, whispering “I did it”, what did you do? You might have celebrated, from silently smiling in relief to throwing a chair across the room in joy. You might have looked back at what helped you in your journey, but this time with a different lens, probably one of relief. But when others congratulated you, your family, your friends and then your peers, did you play it down a bit? Did you thank them but try not to highlight your success a bit too much? If you did these then congrats, you have unlocked humility, or maybe a version of it.

Humility in itself is an emotionally mature characteristic. It isn’t just about thanking your well wishers with an awkward smile. It is also about not changing who you were before success. It’s about remembering the fear and self-doubt you held within yourself when you thought it was impossible. It’s about recollecting who was by your side when you didn’t know where this was heading. Above all, it is also about being emotionally mature enough to realise not everyone was this fortunate and it’s your responsibility to choose your words and actions carefully from now on.

Humility is a strength. However, like everything in our lives, more isn’t always merrier and this translates to humility too. 

Pessimism by definition is simply looking at the negative side of everything, but it can have many forms. It need not just be a wave of depression or hatred. It may also be disguised as excess humility. Take yourself back to your small win again. Do you genuinely recall being happy and proud for a considerable amount of time? Did you feel like you’re at the top of the world, maybe even for a second? Or did you immediately shun yourself into believing it wasn’t that significant and it’s time to stop celebrating and look at what’s bothering you next in life. If you did, don’t worry, such a response is actually ingrained in you.

Negativity bias refers to our brains being wired to prioritize negative information over positive. But why are we designed in such a way? Most fingers point to evolutionary survival mechanisms. From the beginning, missing a predator was fatal for a human, but something like a sunset or a ripe berry? That’s just a missed positive ‘opportunity’. You missed out? Oh might as well carry on with your day. You don’t lose anything when you miss something positive but you can lose everything if you miss something negative. Along the same lines, today we tend to anticipate the worst possible outcome in order to protect ourselves. We tend to live in constant fear of what might happen if we sit back and rejoice a bit, not because we aren’t brave but because we deeply care and want to be careful. What does this indirectly lead to? We end up not celebrating the small things in life.   

Another instance is criticisms and compliments. We all know a negative remark tends to leave a deeper impression than a positive one. But did you ever wonder why? It’s simply our default mode. Our safe space. 

Now is this form of pessimism bad? No, it really doesn’t need to be. Let us take an example.

You may or may not have noticed by now, but it is a psychological fact that publicly announcing your goals makes you less likely to achieve them. Why? Is it a type of jinx? Is it someone punishing you for being too cocky? We can cope in many ways but the baseline is simple – you get a premature sense of relief and satisfaction and don’t work as hard. Your brain tells you “Now that you have said it out loud you must be pretty sure about it and you’re probably working towards it too”. So you slack off because revealing your goals removed a bit of weight from your shoulder – but not in a good way. Of course this doesn’t mean the people you opened up to have an evil eye. It’s just your consciousness being relieved of stress – the good kind of stress which you need to achieve something.

The same concept can be used to describe negativity bias too. If you tell yourself “ok this win wasn’t that big of a thing, I still need to do x. Only then will I have something to celebrate” it undoubtedly will drive you to success. You will continue to work hard without looking back. Moreover, preparing for the worst is always safe and there’s nothing wrong in wanting a cushion beneath every step you take. But have you ever asked yourself if this is sustainable to you and the people around you in the long run?

Positivity, success and humility are three qualities that without a doubt can go hand in hand. They might be perceived to be on different spectrums altogether but the answer simply lies in walking the thin line connecting them. There’s value in celebrating wins but nothing wrong in having an eye on the future. We can be humble about where we are and at the same time be proud of how we got there. It’s not our responsibility to protect other’s feelings but we can certainly try. 

At the end of the day it’s important to be happy about how far we’ve come and this is something most of us overlook. Society forces us to remain competitive and keep growing, but it is within our power to handpick only the positive parts of such a dynamic. Every peak isn’t the summit but at the same time every peak need not be treated as flat terrain either. 

A lot of mental health issues and burnouts often spring from such a relentless desire to keep striving. This might work for a few but not everyone and that’s ok. We can embrace the competition, but in our own way and when it feels like our cup is full, there’s nothing wrong in taking a break. Moreover, a ‘break’ or a ‘celebration’ need not be a social norm, but rather something that matches your personality, your vibe, your idea of pleasant. We don’t need to live for other’s approval, but at the same time we also don’t have to stand alone. 

Life is simply you switching a number of trains in hope of finding your station. You buy a ticket and know where to get off in search of the next train. If you are too comfortable while in a train you might fall asleep without an alarm and miss your stop. But if you are anxious you might keep prancing around the train, looking at the time, waiting to get off. Neither will change the course of the train. So you might as well sit down and enjoy the view from the window. But at the same time don’t forget to remain alert and grab your luggage when it’s time to get off.